Americans Need Not Apply
May 31st, 2007
Once upon a time, America was part of the great British Empire. The Yanks, always the friendly ones, hosted a lovely tea party on the Boston waterfront to celebrate their escape from Ye Olde Worlde and kindly invited the chaps from the motherland.
A few drinks and substantial criminal damage later, it was clear they were going to have to go their separate ways.
Like all good divorces, there was a laundry list of irreconcilible differences - commitmentphobia, financial mismanagement, diverging career paths. Personally, I think the tipping factor was a little-known proposal to make cricket the national sport.
Which brings us not quite to today, but close. The Atlantic alliance partners now behave more like siblings than exes. You know they love each other because when the chips are down, they come through the fire together despite pressure from those outside the family.
Ironic then that the ties that bind the Commonwealth aren't always so effective. Blood isn't always thicker than a large body of water.
But the rest of the time, they're happy to be rivals. Although both have accepted the swing in economic hegemony since colonial times, they're still vying for the top spot in the moral authority stakes. Their halos are tarnished from Iraq. Both have weathered domestic scandals. And the highlight of next week's G8 may well be Bush and Blair's next chat about getting the Mid-East to "stop this sh*t" and get on-side. Let's hope their microphones are turned off this year.
They have so much in common that they're practically interchangeable - except, of course, for competing spellcheckers and the temperature of their tea - but changing places is harder than it looks.
I'm the first to admit that the US immigration policy can be arbitrary and is likely to be mired in an amnesty debate for months, if not years. I hear on a regular basis that many US consular staff are unhelpful at best and present a poor first impression of America. I've no idea if that's true. The one foreign officer I know personally is lovely but that's not exactly a representative sample.
But Britain's immigration policy isn't terribly welcoming, either. In spite of A-levels, two years of postgraduate work and a transatlantic accent, I only qualified for a work permit when the rules changed last month. Even now, it's £395 and only valid for a year, after which I can leave or be deported.
What about getting a visa under the highly-skilled migrant programme, you ask? It's a misnomer, I say. The more accurate term would be highly paid. At the current exchange rate, I get zero points for my last job. After a year as a freelance journalist, I would get...zero points towards indefinite work permission.
I understand British culture, speak a flawless variant of the English language and have had the bulk of my higher education here - but the Home Office doesn't care.
Canadian? Aussie? They'll throw you a welcome party! European? You don't even have to RSVP.
But if you happen to be American, they'll hold the celebrations until you're gone.
