• Food and Travel
• Issue 1

Late night television is a desolate landscape. The five terrestrial channels realise that nearly 11 people - roughly the same number of people who viewed this website on its first day - tune in to watch late night programming.

But once in a while a show comes on in the wee hours of the morning that makes waiting up for sunrise - and even insomnia - worthwhile.

The format might seem tireder than you feel at 03:00, but you should see how brilliantly it works

Take a few concealed webcameras, hide them in a home with lots of chicks, keep the cameras rolling and the result is BAFTA-worthy programming.

The chicks in question are young, brazen and not at all camera shy. They're high in Devon and spend most of their time hissing at each other.

No, it's not Countryside Big Brother.  It's BBC's Springwatch Nightshift, series five.

Their mother - a barn owl, according to the subtitles, periodically swoops in to drop off an unlucky mouse that is promptly torn to pieces. There are a few squeaks and then a moment of silence before the hissing returns.  There's no presenter or voiced narrative, which keeps the focus on the owls' talents. It's all either very natural or great method acting.  If they steer clear of the tragedies that befall so many child stars, they'll all grow up to be top birds, I'm sure.

With some swift finger-clicking you can get yourself straight over to Channel Four, which has a derivative of the owls-up-a-tree thing on offer. Here, it's a cadre of women holed up in a house somewhere in London, hissing and snoring. There are more cameras in this house than in Springwatch Nightshift, but essentially the plot is the same - pointless voyeurism.

In Big Brother: Eleven Women and One Man, it's not uncommon to see conversations between contestants with no supporting audio. I have no idea why.

Are they discussing upcoming events?  Are editors silencing what would essentially be a spoiler?  The camera regularly pans across the bedroom, bring you those great night-vision shots of someone turning over in their sleep - probably snoring or hissing.

Meanwhile, back in Devon, the camera has left the loft and caught up with some badgers. Since there is zero voice over, someone is responsible for writing funny subtitles for the show.

That someone, whoever they are, is consistently un-funny and has no hope of convincing me that badgers are charming. To be honest, there's nothing at all appealing about badgers.  Far more of them should be killed on the roads. They just look like hot water bottle covers and spread animal tuberculosis through the countryside. Thankfully, they're aware of their ugliness and spend most of their time down a hole, well away from the cameras.

The same can't be said of the women (and token bloke Ziggy) on Channel Four. Back in the Big Brother house, one announced that she's going to bed, while another goes to the loo. A third one lights a cigarette. In Devon, one of the chicks is throwing it's fifth hissy fit of the night while her sister courteously defecates mostly out of the line of the camera. A third is soon thrown out of the nest for acting stupid on camera.  It's a pity that didn't happen on Channel Four.

I can't take it anymore and smash my head through the television screen. Sleep comes slowly.